"The Chipotle Kid" blogging community is abuzz with speculation today. My millions of followers are all asking the same question--who is Dodongo? Unmask yourself mystery man and end this conspiracy. The conspiracy runs so deep that Oliver Stone has already called my agent for the movie rights. For those not in the loop, let me explain how this all started...
As you all know, after each blog you are allowed to leave comments.There is a user named Dodongo who has left hundreds of comments to date--so many I can count them all. I just assumed it was one of two people who are inside enough to be privy to the material Dodongo posts. I was dead wrong. One of said followers is too lazy to create an account while the other hates my blog (as he should), or he is just too busy scrappin' to Jamie from Real World San Diego. At first, when they both denied being Dodongo, I did not believe them. But after further investigation from Private Investigator Jonathan Ames (yes, I enjoy "Bored to Death"), I can say with conviction that neither of them is Dodongo.
What made me question the identity of Dodongo now? Well, I'm about to blow your minds. While writing my "Sexist Machine" blog, there was originally to be a #6--"I love sports." Right before post time, I decided to remove it. I was planning on giving that take it's own post at a later date because I had much more material on the subject of women and sports. So I saved it, but here is what I had written...
6. "I love sports."
I sorta blame guys for this one. Men think it would be cool to have a girl who likes sports, but they soon learn nothing is more annoying. Sports is a way for men to escape and relax. Men like to sit around alone or with a few pals and watch football on Sunday. Those who have a chick who loves sports soon learn that is impossible. Every Sunday, she wants to tag along and ruin all the fun, that irritating voice just yap, yap, yap. She won't give you your much needed space, and soon enough your friends stop inviting you because they can't stand your "hole" either. A few months later, you find yourself suffocating her with a pillow all because she liked football. What ad should say, "Sports are okay, but I would rather be in the kitchen making snacks."
Now, here is the comment Dodongo left...
Dodongo said...
"Let's not leave out a personal favorite..."I love sports...most of my good friends are guys." If I wanted to date a girl that liked sports and was like a guy, then I would just date a guy. And if you love sports so much, why do you look like you haven't been to a gym since the Royals made the Playoffs? I want you to like sports enough to play them (on your own, obviously) and then not talk about them in front of me ever."
Very odd to say the least. When I first read this I thought someone had hacked my system. It is weird that I was going to put this take in then decided not to, only to find it in the comment section.
There is one more possibility. I could be the one who posts under the Dodongo name. Sorta like a "Tyler Durden" thing. I just don't think I would use the name Dodongo. My alter ego would probably be called "The Qdoba Boy." Instead of fighting myself, I would debate whether Chipotle or Qdoba has better burritos.
Just know this, I will find out your true identity!!! And with that knowledge, I will do nothing, except enjoy your comments while knowing who is writing them.
Wow, I am honored to have an entire post dedicated to my postings by the great Chipotle Kid. (Great subject, by the way.) I do not feel that now is the right time to reveal my true identity, but it will come in time. I'm a big fan of the postings so far. Let me throw out one potential topic point, and then I will let you work your magic...2 1/2 Men is the top rated television show on television. While I would love to say I have never so much as grimaced at an episode, I cannot say this because I have never been able to watch it beyond the horrible, 3- second teaser I am subject to every 12 minutes. Should we consider passing legislation that allows you to punch any man, woman, or child in the neck or face area after said individual makes any comment remotely similar to "2 1/2 Men is Funny"? Roll with it Chipotle....
ReplyDeleteLove the conspiracy. Hate 2.5 Men. I would hope that a man of the chipotle would never bow down to the demands of the transparent public. I would love to write more but I need to get to scrapin before dinner.
ReplyDeleteBeaker, you aren't fooling anyone.
ReplyDeleteYou honestly are a fucking moron when you say that sports are for men only and you sound like just another uber butch gay/asexual/MGTOW ass clown and not only do women have the right to love sports, but, without them, you honestly would not have one of the best things about modern league sports teams and that is cheerleaders, plus if you and her argue about the teams that you like, then you can both make out, but hey, keep being angry at the world with your micro-penis and your nanometer sized nut sack there, Hedwig. Also, I hope that Link bombs the fuck out of you so you can belch more smoke than a cigarette convention.
ReplyDelete