"The Thesaurus Kid"

I've always been an exceptional writer. I discovered my great talent when I wrote a paper in high school called, "The Cheetah." Later, I used my skills to author the #1 high school newspaper article in the country, "Sticks and Stones."

Soon, I found I couldn't walk the halls without someone saying, "That's him, that's the guy--he wrote 'The Cheetah'."

I recall a girl asking me, "Do you write 'Stick and Stones'?" I finger gunned her while winking and she fainted.

A few quotes about me as a young prodigy...

"He has single-handedly made the thesaurus cool."

"He's an ink slingin' machine. I can't wait for his second paper, 'The Peregrine Falcon: Fastest Flying Bird'."

All the haters out there asking about my credentials, now you know I'm the real deal. If you need more evidence, here's the opening paragraph of the, "The Cheetah." I know it sounds a lot like Hemingway, but these are my own beautiful words.

"The cheetah is very fast. It is the fastest land animal on earth. The cheetah is very swift. If all the animals in the world lined up for a race, the cheetah would win. In review, the cheetah sure is speedy. If other animals were ahead of it, the cheetah is quick enough to accelerate past them."

As for the critic waiting on my second paper, it has been in the works for many years. Here is a little taste...

"The Peregrine Falcon can fly very fast. It is the fastest flying bird in the world...."

I just cleaned off a shelf for all the awards on the way.